


the best you ever had

by ahgase



Category: GOT7
Genre: 3rd and 4th are pure fluff, Alcohol, Consensual Underage Sex, Drugs, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, he finds himself i promise, hence all the negative tags, i like to think there is this subtle reference to markjin, jb is a bit lost in the beginning, other GOT7 boys are only mentioned, warning applies only for 1st and 2nd chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-14 11:52:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13007214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahgase/pseuds/ahgase
Summary: JaeBum had three big regrets in life: being the most terrible son his mother could have, wasting 2 years studying something he hated and having sex for the first time with someone he didn’t love.





	1. fluorescent adolescent

**Author's Note:**

> so I'm back with something less sad now. there is a bit of it, but only a bit ~  
> [I posted "Fireworks" but it seems like you guys don't like angst USHASUHAUSHOAO it's not a bad thing, I usually don't read angst either :o]
> 
> hope you enjoy it :)  
> already available on aff, as usual ~

_Discarded all the naughty nights for niceness_

_Landed in a very common crisis_

_Everything's in order in a black hole_

 

“GET OFF ASSHOLE!”

JaeBum finally gained strength to look up from the dirty water inside the toilet. His mind was spinning in a thousand shades of neon colors and the music was blasting louder than ever (at least for him), but he was still able to listen to the hint of despair mixed in that angry voice.

He got up slowly, felling heavy because of the amount of drug he had that night. He was the type to get drunk or stoned often, but it never hit him so hard like that day. Promising himself to never use drugs again, JaeBum got out of his booth, rubbing his hand on his lips to clean the last drops of vomit.

Moving around very carefully because of the dizziness inside of him, he tried to find the source of that scream, looking around the big locker. He couldn’t see very well as all the lights inside his head flashed in front of his eyes and he wasn‘t able to really process what was going on.

He just remembered Mark’s call telling him to come to the sports court at school. JaeBum didn’t really understand why his friends were inviting him to go to school on a Saturday night, since it was closed anyway. Soon JaeBum was defeated by their insistence and he left his house after arguing with his mother for going out too late.

His friends somehow got the keys of the school and decided to throw a party since it was their last week of school. JaeBum didn’t appreciate the idea as much as Jackson seemed to like it, but after a lot of bottles of beers and some shared cigarettes, JaeBum forgot about his disapproval.

“FUCK, TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!”

“Shit, shut the fuck up!” JaeBum groaned lowly to nobody in particular as he closed his eyes hard, trying to gain some consciousness again.

Suddenly, a loud noise caught his attention. Two booths away from the one he was moments ago, some motion was happening. Remembering what he was supposed to do, JaeBum started to walk again, and as he got closer and his mind got a bit clearer, he could hear the raw sound of bones meeting flesh. JaeBum didn’t want to be part of fights that were not his, but it was probably the high that made him slam his fist on the metal door.

“What’s going on?” His voice sounded foreign even for himself, but the thought was short cut by the same voice from before.

“This asshole is trying t-” Then, the voice disappeared and a third person spoke, voice low and threatening.

“Get out of here.”

Someone started screaming, but the sound was muffled and soon, the sound of skin against skin filled the room. As slow and messed up as his reasoning was, JaeBum took some time to understand what was taking place inside that booth. But it hit him hard and suddenly feeling very lucid, he threw himself on the door, breaking the doorknob in the second try.

JaeBum couldn’t see very well due the lack of lights, but the situation in front of him left no doubts. A half-naked boy, pants hanging on his knees as he slammed his hips on another boy’s bottom. He was blonde and JaeBum was positive he had never seen him before at school. The blond guy had his right hand holding the other boy’s arms behind him and left hand was pressing on his mouth, making it impossible for him to speak. The look of pleasure was explicit in his face.

The other boy, though, tried to wiggle away from him, twisting his arms but holding no power against the vice grip as he cringed to avoid the blonde’s crotch.

JaeBum was a terrible son to his mother, but she had taught him better than stand still upon seeing someone being abused. He yanked the blond boy by gripping his shoulders, bringing him away from the other guy. JaeBum threw him on the floor, his fists and feet soon finding the blonde’s body, punching and kicking him in every place he could reach, just stopping when the other boy ceased fighting back.

Feeling his blood rushing thick in his veins as if he had no trace of drugs in his body, JaeBum stopped caring about the unconscious guy and got up, looking for the abused boy. But when he turned around, the boy had already disappeared.


	2. sugar, we’re going down

_Am I more than you bargained for yet?_

_I've been dying to tell you a nything you want to hear_

_'Cause that's just who I am this week_

 

_Is this more than you bargained for yet?_

_Oh, don't mind me, I'm watching you two from the closet_

_Wishing to be the friction in your jeans_

_Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him?_

 

JaeBum was drunk again and he couldn’t explain why. His graduation ceremony ended one hour ago and the principal let the students have a small celebration at school. Of course the students brought booze in and half of them were already drunk.

Being faithful to his promise, JaeBum didn’t touch any drugs that night, but even so, his body was forcing him to go to the bathroom again. He sighed as he made his way through the students in the court and reached the locker.

He loosened his tie and leaned over the toilet, the smell of the stinking water hitting his nose and making the feeling in his stomach ever worse.

“Vomiting again?” JaeBum heard the voice but had no time to look back as the vomit climbed up his throat again.

He spent some more minutes in the booth till he could get up and wash his mouth. JaeBum’s eyes wandered around looking for the guy who talked to him before. But as if he was drunk enough to imagine things and hear voices, no one was around.

“Don’t go before I can say thank you.”

JaeBum stopped on his tracks and turned around.

“I’m the boy you helped last week.”

His sentence was gentle, but his face was serious. Despite the dim light, JaeBum took a good look at the other boy: he was chubby and a bit taller than JaeBum himself. His glasses were old-fashioned and his black Fall Out Boy t-shirt was tight, making his fat even move evident. As to prove his point, his arms showed some purplish spots. His wrists were a bit raw and the wounds disappeared on his hands stuffed in his pockets.

He got up from the bench in the farthest corner of the locker and walked to JaeBum, unplugging his earphones before talking to him again.

“I’ve seen you at school this week, but didn’t want to approach you in front of everyone.” He took a step closer. “So, thanks, I’d be screwed if it wasn’t for you.” The boy smiled a bit, looking really thankful now.

JaeBum recognized his face, he’d seen him around school. He was a common student, not really bringing attention to himself. If JaeBum was not mistaken, the boy was a freshman, probably on his fifteens. He was usually spotted reading alone or walking around with JinYoung, a boy who studied in JaeBum’s class and was pretty famous among the girls.

“No problems.” JaeBum shrugged, not really knowing what to do.

“Are you okay?”

“Hm?”

“You seemed a bit sick just now.”

JaeBum wasn’t used to people worrying about him. In fact, his mother was the only person who checked on him often. Jackson and Mark were his best friends, but they had their own problems to deal with.

“Hm, I’m okay, thank you.”

The boy faced JaeBum a second more and turned around, sitting in the bench again, grabbing a can of beer as he fished his cellphone out of his pocket.

“I’ve seen you around before.” JaeBum blurted out.

“Makes sense since I study here.” The boy answered with an amused smile. Soon, he let out a small laugh. “Sorry, I tend to be a bit of an idiot when I’m drunk.”

“What’s your name?”

“YoungJae.”

“I’m JaeBum.”

The room was filled by a strange silence.

“Who was that boy?” JaeBum spoke again, not really keeping control of his own words.

“Just a stupid cousin.”

If he could say something about himself, JaeBum would say he was good with indifferent expressions. Because he wore than more often than he’d like, JaeBum could always read blank faces. And now, he could see the hurt in the other boy’s face. It wasn’t probably a good topic to keep the conversation, but JaeBum couldn’t stop himself from being curious.

“Candy?” YoungJae interrupted his thoughts, and JaeBum gave him a suspicious look. “No drugs, don’t worry.”

JaeBum contemplated the offer as YoungJae waited for an answer. Well, he had no wish to come back to the party anyway.

“It’s candy, for real, don’t worry.”

JaeBum walked until he was in front of the boy and took the small package of candies from him. He sat beside YoungJae and rested his head on the tiled wall behind him, hoping it’d do better to his dizziness.

“Do you like him?”

“Who?”

“The boy who was…” JaeBum felt really uncomfortable to say it out loud.

“Raping me? No, I don’t. I hate him.” YoungJae’s voice was so lacking in emotion JaeBum didn’t know how to continue. “Let’s not talk about him please.” He put his cellphone aside and finished his beer, throwing the can somewhere JaeBum wasn’t able to see because of the absence of lights.

“Are you okay?” JaeBum tried to focus the boy’s face in the dark, repeating his question from earlier.

“Yep. Really, thank you.”

Some minutes passed and none of them said anything. JaeBum was thinking about how he would get home in that state and the huge fit his mom would throw after seeing him drunk again when YoungJae sighed.

“Sorry.”

“What?” JaeBum asked, confused. He faced YoungJae and saw him looking back.

“Come here.” YoungJae said, voice only a low whisper. A moment after, he pulled JaeBum by the sleeve of his shirt and buried his face in JaeBum’s neck, wetting his skin in a sloppy yet clumsy kiss.

Maybe it was the amount of alcohol JaeBum had had that night, but he felt a shiver run down his back.

YoungJae placed another kiss on his neck and JaeBum let his hand rest on the boy’s knee. He almost took it off when YoungJae moved under it, but the boy held it in place. He stopped kissing JaeBum’s neck, but his body was still close to him.

“Gosh, I’m so sorry. I’m just so fucking drunk.” YoungJae’s lips were so close he slightly touched JaeBum again as he spoke.

JaeBum took some seconds to answer.

“Me too.”

He looked for YoungJae’s lips and his hands soon found the boy’s waist. He kissed him sweet and slow, as the alcohol and his inexperience held him back. In JaeBum’s mind, the thought of pleasing the boy after last week events suddenly appeared.

He squeezed every part of YoungJae’s chubby body as the boy opened his mouth and made their kisses more intense. JaeBum’s hands ran up the younger’s thick thighs hidden under the white jeans and it was just so good JaeBum let out a small moan.

“Someone might enter and see us here.”

JaeBum had no idea what he was doing, he was just sure he felt intoxicated as he took YoungJae’s hand and, in between their kisses, locked them inside one of the dirty booths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I just hope it's very very very clear that jb taking yj to a booth was consensual!]


	3. say ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is worth 12 pages on word, the summary will be explained now, I hope it's good enough :)  
> [the song is all about about JaeBum because he is an awkward cutie ~ and I love moles, you'll see that!]

 

_You are fine, you are sweet_

_But I'm still a bit naive with my heart_

_When you're close I don't breathe_

_I can't find the words to speak, I feel sparks_

 

_I don't want you to run away_

_Will you hold me closer?_

 

A loud thunder brought JaeBum out of his thoughts. He fixed his hair in the mirror, wondering if he was doing the right thing with his life. He was afraid of following the wrong plans again. But he wanted to think the happiness that spread in his chest when he thought about dancing on the stage was confirmation enough to the path he was walking on.

JaeBum had three big regrets in life: being the most terrible son his mother could have, wasting 2 years studying something he hated and having sex for the first time with someone he didn’t love.

He was already working on the first one; he knew he gave his mother the hardest time during high school, when he arrived home stoned countless times. But JaeBum loved his mom more than anyone, so the many times he saw her crying because of him was how he learnt how important she was. And how he wanted her to feel proud of him.

So after finishing school, he decided to be a good person – or what he thought a good person was. He studied hard during a whole year and entered university. And for some time, it was really good to hear his mom bragging on how her son was studying Law at Seoul University.

But JaeBum soon found out he was just wasting time. Even if he loved going to university – because he could meet his friends – he realized he enjoyed spending more time with Jackson while the boy was photographing than attending to his classes.

Then, by accident, while he was looking for Jackson around the Humanities area, JaeBum found the dance club. He was mesmerized. The way people moved in sync, the energy running through them, the smiles on their faces.

JaeBum was timid on the first meetings, copying the choreography with his worn-out sneakers at the very corner of the room, hidden of everyone’s eyes. And when no one was looking, he would try some dance steps in the isles of the small supermarket he worked on. In his fifth time at the club, JaeJoon approached him to talk about his skills. His impressive skills, in the boy’s words. JaeJoon was the head of the club and was majoring in Music as his dream was to continue his father’s work as a musical director.

JaeBum, Jackson and JaeJoon became inseparable. Triple J, as BamBam and YuGyeom, two of JaeJoon’s freshmen, liked to call them. One day JaeBum’s mom pointed out she had never seen her son smiling that much, and the comment broke something inside JaeBum, even though he couldn’t really say what.

The answer came some months later, when JaeJoon invited JaeBum to dance in one of his father’s play. JaeBum was devastated. Not because he didn’t like the idea, because he loved it, and that was the problem.

All his joy was in dancing, not in studying Law.

That day his mom saw JaeBum cry for the first time after his father’s death, when he was 12. And when JaeBum felt ashamed as he told her the truth, she hugged him back and said it was alright.

She tucked a 21-year-old JaeBum on his blankets and called JaeJoon to tell him JaeBum would be there for the play rehearsal next week. She went to the university with him when he told the teachers he’d drop the course. And she was there when he went to the library to donate all the expensive books he had bought during those 2 years.

And after watching JaeBum’s first play, the first thing his mom did was to bring him in a tight embrace and cry because her son had finally found his path. She told him he was glowing, and he believed her.

Even with his mother, Jackson and JaeJoon’s undying support, JaeBum still regretted his choices. If he wasn’t so eager to correct his mistakes as a teenager, he would have made a good choice at university, and by now, he would be an even better dancer. They always told him it was normal and not to give it too much thought, because at that time he was just a stupid teen doing things stupid teens do, but JaeBum never accepted it very well.

And these thoughts usually led him to think about the third mistake that pestered his mind, the one he didn’t dare to talk about.

YoungJae.

JaeBum would be lying if he said he remembered his face. Or his body. Or the words they shared that night.

But he remembered waking up alone the next day, with a massive headache and numb limbs because of the awkward position he had fallen asleep.

He tried looking for YoungJae, but it proved to be very hard without remembering the boy’s face. JaeBum had a pretty common name and a charming mole on the neck as clues, but nothing more. And honestly, JaeBum didn’t really know why he was doing that. It wasn’t like he was willing to find him again and look at his face. What would he say? How would he act? But the empty feeling inside of him made JaeBum look around the school for some weeks, and even ask JinYoung about the boy when they had a classroom reunion. JinYoung only gave him a weird look and told him YoungJae changed schools.

JaeBum never saw YoungJae again, but he knew, deep inside, he had kept some kind of liking for the boy. It wasn’t like he regretted having sex with YoungJae. The problem has never been YoungJae himself – but the fact JaeBum just had his first time in a dirty locker and didn’t even remember his lover’s face.

JaeBum didn’t remember his eyes, but remembered the heat that ran on his body every time YoungJae looked at him.

He couldn’t remember the boy’s mouth, but the small pleasured and soft sounds YoungJae made that night were so clear as if they were recorded on his mind.

He couldn’t say if YoungJae was really chubby – as he thought he was –, but the feeling of YoungJae’s skin under his hands and how he reacted to his touches were tattooed on his fingerprints.

The sensations of his labored breathing as they came down from their highs and slept in the dirty floor. And of course, the beautiful mole he kissed a hundred of times.

JaeBum was disappointed, but he couldn’t expect too much… he was 18, YoungJae was probably younger than him, and he was the fool one to daydream about it even almost 4 years after that night.

* * *

The rain was still pouring hard when JaeBum entered the hotel ballroom quietly, not wanting to disturb the people already working. This was only JaeBum’s third musical, but he felt a lot calmer than on the first ones. JaeJoon somehow managed the things so he had a bigger role now – well, a bit better compared to the previous one, where he didn’t open his mouth at all. In this play, he had three lines as the husband of a rich girl that was seduced by a mysterious guy. Soon, the audience would find out the charming boy was a time traveler who wandered around ages to rob people. JaeBum’d had some singing classes and JaeJoon praised him enough to make him feel confident. And there he was.

The theme was supposed to be dark and creepy, and as JaeBum looked around, paying attention to the scenarios and the decoration the staff had brought this time, the flash of Jackson’s camera lighted up the room and JaeBum’s eyes fell on the well-dressed boy seated in the beautiful vintage chair in front of his friend.

He was wearing a black suit, matching black shoes and black t-shirt. His white tie disappeared under the blood red scarf nicely wrapped around the boy’s neck, giving him an elegant aura. In his fingers, the chain of a golden pocket watch that swung in a slow movement, matching his round gold rimmed glasses. His pitch black hair was slicked back side, letting the lights illuminate his plump lips and beautiful features. As an end touch, a small mole decorated his right eye.

“Hey.” JaeBum looked at Jackson as the photographer spoke. “Look at the camera as if it was food. I want a hungry face now.”

The boy broke his serious mask and laughed with Jackson’s words. JaeBum found himself smiling too. As the boy posed, JaeBum wondered why he looked awful familiar, even if JaeBum was sure he had never seen him on any other play.

“Yah, don’t give me this hungry puppy look!” Jackson complained, and the boy burst out laughing, the sound echoing in the small space. “YoungJae, show me your best ‘I want you naked in my bed’ look, ok?”

The boy laughed a bit more, soon facing Jackson and showing the camera a lustful expression.

JaeBum felt his body getting hotter and probably the tips of his ears were red, and it was because the boy’s face.

How could he forget that face?

YoungJae.

The YoungJae he met 4 years ago.

 _His_ YoungJae, he was sure.

The boy he wanted to find since the eventful night of his graduation was just some steps far from him.

If he wanted, he could just cross the room and touch him. But he wouldn’t. How could he?

And shit, YoungJae was stunning.

_Why is fate making me look like an idiot in front of him? Does he even remember me?_

JaeBum continued looking at the boy as his shooting was over.

He was suddenly drowning in crystal-clear memories, putting a face in all those moments that didn’t mean much until now. JaeBum didn’t understand what made him forget Youngjae, because looking at him now, he doubted someone was ever able to forget that face. YoungJae hasn’t even looked at his direction and JaeBum was already a mess. Jackson had to call him twice so he could focus and go where all the other actors were waiting to take the group photos. However, few minutes later, while JaeBum was stealing glances at YoungJae and Jackson was scolding him for not looking at the camera, the power went off due the heavy rain outside.

Someone from the staff made some calls and it was decided they had done enough for the day, and all the cast was dismissed.

“What are you doing now?” JaeBum approached Jackson, trying to turn his mind off of YoungJae.

“I’m staying, there’s no way I’ll be driving in this rain.” The photographer answered while taking his things. “You should stay too, they are probably doing something about the electricity already, and the company has reserved some rooms for us. Come up if you want to share, I’m on 408. We can do a lot of interesting things.” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows in a funny way, laughing his scandalous laugh and left the ballroom with a last pat on JaeBum’s shoulder.

JaeBum reasoned about it, the idea of going out in the rain to take the subway and then the bus not really appealing. And it wouldn’t kill to spend the night there. It was late, he was at a four-star hotel and it was already paid anyway.

But it seemed like a lot of people had the same idea.

In the end, they’d have to share the rooms. JaeBum grabbed his cellphone to call Jackson when he felt a hand on his back. He gasped, not ready to see YoungJae that close.

“Do you want to stay with me?” The boy asked and JaeBum almost closed his eyes, the memory of his voice hitting him like a truck. It was practically the same. “I don’t want to be with JunSu-hyung.” JaeBum obliged himself to take his eyes off of YoungJae’s hopeful smile to look at where the boy was discreetly pointing. Across the room, a man in his thirties was talking to another girl, but looking at them every other second with that ‘I want you naked in my bed’ look Jackson just mentioned minutes ago.

_He doesn’t know who I am._

“Sure, why not?”

* * *

The power came back while JaeBum waited for YoungJae to change into his own clothes. JaeBum himself was already using the black hoodie and jeans he was wearing earlier. He was trying to plan what to do not to look like an idiot when a very uncomfortable YoungJae left the ballroom with the JunSu guy by his side.

"YoungJae, you coming?" JaeBum found himself asking when YoungJae glanced nervously at him. The boy sighed relieved, and smiled at him.

"Ah, yes... let’s go."

They walked to the elevator and waited in silence, JaeBum not really looking anywhere, just trying not to give away his nervousness. In the end, it was useless since YoungJae didn’t even know who he was. He didn’t have reasons to be anxious, but he was.

“I already have the keys, we can’t just go up.” YoungJae explained when JaeBum was about to push the lobby button. YoungJae himself moved forward to push the right button, and as he came closer, JaeBum quickly cringed not to touch the boy and hit his arm on the mirror in the process, earning a rather amused look from YoungJae, who looked about to laugh at a moment, but said nothing.

_Good JaeBum, let’s start by acting like the boy has an infectious disease._

"I'm JaeBum.” He decided to introduce himself to break the ice his stupidity caused.

"YoungJae... but you already know it.” The boy smiled at him, his eyes transforming into two crescents and JaeBum remembered the same smile from that day 4 years ago.

"Ah, yeah, heard Jackson calling you a couple of times.”

“Yeah.”

Luckily, they arrived on their floor and quickly went to their room.

As soon as YoungJae opened the door, JaeBum felt his face blush.

The majority of the room was painted and decorated in nice shades of beige, grey and white. There was little furniture, only a TV on a small sideboard, a beautiful vase with some white carnations in it. The focus was definitely the big window on his left. The red curtains were totally open, allowing a stunning view of the lights and the nightlife of the city. As if it wasn’t good enough, few steps far from the window, there was the bed.

And it was a four-star hotel after all.

The king-size bed had 8 pillows – JaeBum counted because he didn’t know what’s the use for all of them ( _well,_ _YoungJae might want to build a barrier between us at night…_ ) –, and cozy white bedding. The wall behind it, differently from the other ones, was painted in cherry red, matching a picture of roses hanging above the headboard. In both sides, nightstands had lamps on it that provided only soft but pleasant lighting to the space, leaving some corners in the dark.

The room had this very strong romantic feeling in it (at least to JaeBum), and the he knew his face was matching those curtains by now.

YoungJae subtly cleaned his throat and put his backpack on the bed, ignoring JaeBum for good. The older boy did the same, but soon after he was by the window, avoiding being too close to YoungJae on such small space with a comfy bed in it.

Honestly, JaeBum was surprised on how his mind was betraying him. First, all those memories came back, and JaeBum realized how gorgeous YoungJae was then.

And how he still is now. JaeBum’s brain was playing all kinds of games on him, replaying the scenes from that night, sometimes just fitting the current YoungJae in their doings of years ago. It was just once and JaeBum had always thought of it as a bad thing. But the more he looked at YoungJae, the less he regretted it. YoungJae was so huggable, and cozy, and charming, and had that mole JaeBum was dying to see again. Not only because he loved it, but because it was the final confirmation. Damned turtleneck.

But he wasn’t selfish enough to think about that night as a good thing either. He had to consider how YoungJae felt about it (not that he was going to ask, no-no, no way). Somehow, he knew YoungJae’d wanted it too, as he remembered how the boy held his fingers tighter and how he was the one who pulled JaeBum closer and initiated their kiss once they were locked in the booth.

_Oh nice, my hands are trembling now._

JaeBum considered himself to be a bit introverted around people, especially the ones he’d like to impress. And truth to be told, he totally wanted to impress YoungJae. When embarrassed, he usually just passed through things by laughing them off, but it was proving to be impossible. He couldn’t even look at the boy, let alone impress him somehow! This was getting ridiculous.

The sound of YoungJae’s cellphone vibrating made JaeBum turn around. The boy quickly picked it up, checking the message he’d received. YoungJae smiled unconsciously, soon typing an answer as he glanced in JaeBum’s direction, making him jerk in surprise and hurry himself to pretend he was doing something. JaeBum opened the curtains a bit more and having no excuses to avoid it anymore, he walked to the bed and started taking his things off his backpack.

“The view here is very beautiful.” JaeBum tried to make the comment sound casual, as if he was really enjoying the view moments ago and not sinking in embarrassment.

“Perks of being on the 7th floor!” YoungJae smiled as his cellphone vibrated again. JaeBum waited in silence as the boy replied to whoever was talking to him.

“How old are you?” JaeBum asked out of nowhere.

“Twenty.”

“Right.” JaeBum nodded to himself, pretty aware he's probably sounding like a creep. So he was around 16 at the time they…

"I'm showering first, okay?” YoungJae said already walking to the small bathroom.

"Okay, go on."

JaeBum took his things to the sideboard, separating the clothes he brought to take a shower too. He also turned the heater on, since it was pretty cold (and because he wanted YoungJae to stop wearing the damned winter clothing and let JaeBum see his mole). After checking his phone and calling his mother, he sat on the edge of the bed, contemplating the situation.

Should he talk to YoungJae about that night? If it was him, he would like to know. But what if YoungJae remembered, but was angry at JaeBum? Well, it was consensual, and JaeBum had to himself he didn’t do anything stupid with the boy… And if that was the case, he wouldn’t have asked JaeBum to share the room with him.

So it left JaeBum with 3 options: YoungJae recognized him but didn’t care nor wanted to talk about it, or he didn’t know JaeBum was the one or he didn’t remember what they did. It didn’t matter which one was the real reason, YoungJae had indeed left JaeBum alone that morning… Was it because he ashamed? Embarrassed? Regretful? Did he even know what happened or was he too drunk so he just left without questioning anything?

And why was he worrying about it anyway? They had sex once, had never seen each other again and continued their lives. People do that all the time!

JaeBum messed up his hair in frustration. He was really afraid of saying anything that could scare YoungJae away.

The vibration sound buzzed again. YoungJae had left his cellphone on the nightstand, and JaeBum got a bit closer to read the name on the screen: JinYoung-hyung. JaeBum spent some time looking at the screen as JinYoung called again, giving up on the third try.

When he heard the door of the bathroom being opened, he ignored the cellphone and sat down again, grabbing his own phone and looking at YoungJae.

But he was not prepared for the vision.

The boy was wearing a loose grey t-shirt, too big for his small figure, and black pants that covered his legs up to his shins and were a bit tighter on his thighs than what they should be. There was no trace of make-up on his face as he walked in, drying his black locks with a towel. So simple, yet so beautiful. JaeBum’s eyes eagerly climbed up from his legs to his neck to see that mole, as he remembered it to be, perfectly decorating the soft skin.

“Oh, it’s warm now!”

JaeBum didn’t reply. He only realized he was staring when YoungJae stopped his actions and tilted his head, that smile that never seemed to leave still there.

 “Ahn, yeah, I turned on the heater.” He awkwardly said, pointing to YoungJae’s phone, trying to look away so he wouldn’t see his blushing face. “JinYoung called.”

“Really? What did he say?” YoungJae sat next to JaeBum to see his phone. As if it wasn’t enough, YoungJae smelled good too.

“He… I didn’t answer. I just saw the name on the screen.”

YoungJae mumbled something and called JinYoung. JaeBum knew it was the cue for him to get up and go to a very needed calming shower, but he continued there, feeling out of place but not willing to leave.

“Hey hyung!”

“CHOI YOUNGJAE!” The boy on the other side screamed so loud that JaeBum listened to it.

“Hyung, sorry, I was showering!” YoungJae faked a cute voice, but he was laughing.

“SO YOU ASK ME TO CALL YOU THEN YOU GO SHOWERING. WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, CHOI YOUNGJAE?”

“Hyung, stop making a show, even JaeBum-hyung is listening to you whining.” YoungJae said and put a hand over his mouth trying to prevent the laughing.

“I'M YOUR HYUNG. RESPECT ME! WHEN I TOLD MARK I HAD TO CALL YOU, HE THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT AND LEFT. I THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT TOO, YOU DUMBASS!”

_Mark? Can it be my friend Mark?_

“Ah, that explains a lot. So it’s about Mark…” YoungJae’s voice was full of irony.

“You know what? I’m mad at you!” JinYoung wasn’t screaming anymore, but JaeBum could still listen to him and he laughed with YoungJae after hearing his childish tone. “I’m hanging up. Be sure to turn on the heater and put on socks before sleeping. Hyung loves you.” It was sure funny to listen to the caring words coming out in that angry voice. Without waiting, JinYoung really hung up on YoungJae.

“Wow, he sure screams a lot.” JaeBum said.

“Yeah, he does. After 20 years you get used though.”

JaeBum’s expression was probably confused, because YoungJae continued.

“He’s my cousin. And he has this thing going on with Mark, so I guess he was really angry.” YoungJae shrugged, still laughing, but now looking at JaeBum.

“This Mark… have you seen him?”

“No, not yet. It’s something very recent, a month or so, so they aren’t official yet. I just know they met by coincidence again, they already knew each other from school.” YoungJae had a strange look on his face, and suddenly JaeBum was very anxious.

“I see… well, I’m going for a shower.” JaeBum quickly grabbed his clothes and practicaly ran to the bathroom, only relaxing when he locked the door behind him.

He decided to concentrate on Mark and JinYoung’s story as the water ran on his tensed muscles. So Mark, that asshole of best friend, didn’t tell him he was seeing someone. As far as JaeBum remembered, Mark and JinYoung didn’t talk much back in high school, and just greeted each other at the classroom reunion. JaeBum made a mental note to ask Jackson if he knew something. But still, he was happy. JinYoung always seemed to be a nice guy, and Mark was getting a bit cranky for being single for so long.

He finished his shower and came back to the room, finding YoungJae already wrapped up to his chest on the white blankets, his arms outside the cocoon as he read something on his phone. He had picked all the pillows and put them on the floor, leaving only two in the bed. JaeBum blushed, YoungJae didn’t want a wall separating them in the end.

“Hope you don’t mind sharing, and I took the pillows, I don’t know why we have so many of them.” YoungJae looked at him and smiled softly, soon resuming his previous actions.

JaeBum looked at the cute scene of YoungJae concentrated on whatever was on his phone. The subtle movements of his lips as he mouthed the words and the wrinkles on his forehead as he narrowed his eyes and tried to see in the dim light of the room. In JaeBum’s mind, there was the picture of YoungJae’s half-lidded eyes when JaeBum touched him a bit more intimately and _hell_ this was going the wrong way really fast.

“You don’t wanna share?” YoungJae’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “I can ask an extra blanket and sleep on the pillows because-” He took JaeBum's lack of response - as the boy imagined some not so right things - as a rejection and he was already throwing the blankets to the side when JaeBum awkwardly spoke.

“No, it’s okay, super fine, don’t worry.” There he was, being extra again. “Don’t you want to turn on the lights?”

“Not really. Unless you want to do something… Wanna go over the lines? I have my script with me!” YoungJae shook his cellphone a bit to emphasize.

“Hm, I have only few lines.” He kept to himself there were actually three, but YoungJae probably knew by now, he was the protagonist after all.

“I never thought someone like you would be an actor…” YoungJae mused, startling JaeBum. He quickly added. “I mean, you didn’t look like one.” JaeBum could see YoungJae was embarrassed as he spoke faster. “I mean, seeing you today and all, you don’t look like a musical actor…” He groaned loudly. “Gosh, that sounded really rude, I’m sorry.”

“No offence taken.” JaeBum guaranteed with a small smile, taking his pillow to finally rest.

“Please don’t do that.” YoungJae said as JaeBum approached the bed and was about to put his pillow on the foot of the bed. “Come on, I’ll give you more space!” YoungJae retreated to the side, moving around and putting his cellphone on the nightstand. “If I have the choice, I prefer it’s not your feet I’ll be looking at all night long.” He laughed lightly and sat up to take JaeBum’s pillow and put it next to his.

JaeBum shyly thanked him and laid down, telling himself to chill because that last sentence had no second meaning on it. He took his phone and started scrolling down his emails.

“Well, I’m going to sleep.” YoungJae announced.

“Do you mind if I stay up a little bit? I need to go over the notifications.”

“Not at all. Good night!” YoungJae smiled.

“Good night YoungJae.” JaeBum smiled back at YoungJae’s adorable sleepy face.

“Thanks hyung.” He whispered, turning around and checking the time one last time before turning off his lamp.

JaeBum looked at his back for some seconds and came back to his cellphone, but not really paying attention anymore. The day was over, and YoungJae didn’t recognize him. It was a pity, and a relief at the same time. He couldn’t stop the sigh that left his mouth as he looked at the window and the tiny points of lights outside.

JaeBum was so worried he didn’t enjoy the view until now. He got up and grabbed one of the pillows, hugging it as he sat in front of the window, trying to erase all the thoughts. It worked somehow; he didn’t know how much time he passed there, going over dance routines on his mind before he got up and came back to the bed when the lights started dancing on his eyes.

JaeBum laid down facing YoungJae’s back and, a moment later, YoungJae slowly turned around and snuggled closer to JaeBum, hiding his face on his chest and bringing the blankets closer to them. JaeBum got a bit surprised but smiled at the natural action, letting out a hand to run it on YoungJae’s hair. He felt a bit dumb, doing that as YoungJae slept, when he knew almost nothing about the boy. He was a bit scared too, scared of being the wrong one, the bad person in this story.

“YoungJae…” JaeBum murmured quietly. He soon chuckled softly: he was doing now what he should’ve done when YoungJae was awake.  “Do you possibly remember me?” He nuzzled his nose on the boy’s hair, loving the sensation and closing his eyes, welcoming the really needed rest.

But before he could fall asleep, YoungJae’s voice reached his ears, nothing more than a quiet whisper.

“Yes, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger ~ i'll be back soon :)


	4. just a kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to post this on Monday, but with the news, I had no strength for it.  
> Hope you all are feeling a bit less restless by now, and hope our bling bling is now in peace, shining among the stars.

_Lying here with you so close to me_

_It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe_

_Caught up in this moment, caught up in your smile_

_I've never opened up to anyone_

_It's so hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms_

_But we don't need to rush this, let's just take it slow_

 

_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_

_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_

_No, I don't wanna mess this thing up_

_I don't want push too far_

_Just a shot in the dark that you just might_

_Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life_

_So, baby, I'm alright_

_With just a kiss goodnight_

 

_I know that if we give this a little time_

_It'll only bring us closer to the love we wanna find_

_It's never felt so real_

_No, it's never felt so right_

 

JaeBum opened his eyes upon feeling the bright sunlight right on his face. He blinked the uncomfortable feeling away for some moments as he yawned a couple of times. Even though the light showered every corner of the room, that wasn’t exactly what brought him out of his sleep.

JaeBum woke up because of the felling of Youngjae’s breathing on his back. They might had moved around a lot during the night, because YoungJae was now spooning JaeBum; his face was buried in the middle of JaeBum’s shoulder blades, his hair making JaeBum’s nape ticklish and YoungJae’s breathing on his skin doing strange things in his stomach. The younger boy somehow managed to pass his arm through the space between JaeBum’s neck and the mattress while the other one was lazily wrapped around JaeBum’s waist. It was messy and cozy and sweet altogether and even if JaeBum couldn’t look at YoungJae’s face, he didn’t want to move at all. But the sunlight was blinding him and JaeBum couldn’t bear a headache during the shooting later. Damned him for letting the curtains opened last night.

He got out of the bed moving around quietly, being careful not to wake YoungJae up. But he clearly failed as he heard YoungJae’s voice as soon as he pulled one of the curtains closed.

“What time is it?”

JaeBum looked back to find the endearing view of YoungJae seated on the bed, rubbing his eyes cutely.

“Not time to wake up yet.” JaeBum closed both curtains, letting only a little sunlight enter the room.

“Come back to bed then.” YoungJae laid down again, snuggling in the blankets.

 _He is truly adorable,_ that’s what JaeBum thought when he came back to the bed to find only YoungJae’s eyes visible, but his embarrassment evident in his red ears. YoungJae looked everywhere but JaeBum as his grip loosened on the blankets so JaeBum could lie beside him.

 “JaeBum-hyung?”

“Hm?”

“Do you mind if I…” The sentence died without an end. YoungJae’s shining eyes wandered nervously around JaeBum’s figure, stopping by his shoulder.

“That’s ok.” JaeBum agreed looking at the ceiling, not sure of what YoungJae was asking, but willing to consent it anyway.

YoungJae then got closer to JaeBum, pulled his arm a bit and softly rested his head on his shoulder. Jaebum was frozen, not daring to move, and they stayed like that for a while, just hearing each other breathing and still avoiding each other’s gaze.

Then JaeBum decided it wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t enough to have just that little of YoungJae on him.

“Sorry.” JaeBum muttered, holding YoungJae by the back of his knee. The younger boy gasped when JaeBum pulled him until YoungJae was laying on top of him. JaeBum moved a bit to make them comfortable, his arms going around YoungJae’s waist as he snuggled the boy closer, their legs tangling under the warm blanket.

“Sorry.” JaeBum whispered again, to which YoungJae hummed, a very pleasing sound to the older boy’s ears.

* * *

No word was said about the previous night. YoungJae was treating him normally and JaeBum was afraid it’d been just some sleep-talking or his stupid brain making him hear the things he wanted to. Not that they spent a long time together. It felt like it was only 5 minutes they were back to sleep when YoungJae’s phone rang. They hurried up to the ballroom again, to finish the photos for the musical.

JaeBum was alone in a corner, absently cleaning one of Jackson’s lenses while watching a girl putting make-up on YoungJae. The poor boy was half-sleeping, dozing off to the point the girl had to wake him up sometimes. JaeBum tried to hide his smile every time YoungJae woke up and murmured an apology to the girl, only to sleep again some minutes later.

* * *

Three hours later, JaeBum was back to their room. The shooting was over and everyone decided it was a good opportunity to visit the city, since they only had to leave later at night. JaeBum excused himself with a lame excuse. Jackson noticed, he was sure, even so because the photographer asked him dozens of questions about him coming with YoungJae earlier that afternoon. He even got calls from JaeJoon and Mark, but knowing each other as they did, his friends knew JaeBum would tell them what happened when it was time.

JaeBum was spread on the bed, changing channels on TV every ten seconds, not really paying attention to it when YoungJae entered the room. He must have looked confused, because YoungJae gave him a tired smile and said he was too sleepy to go out.

“Do you want to watch something?” JaeBum asked, moving a bit when YoungJae sat on the bed, leaned on the headboard and closed his eyes.

“No, I like this one.”

JaeBum laughed a bit.

“What?” YoungJae opened one eye, smiling already.

“It’s the shopping channel.” JaeBum pointed the TV with the remote.

“Let’s watch something else then.” YoungJae smiled a bit more.

They got silent as JaeBum zapped through the channels, stopping by some old drama on reprise. As the actors on the screen argued over a betrayal, JaeBum glanced over at YoungJae, taking in the view of his neck and jaw as the boy breathed calmly. Fearing the screams would disturb YoungJae’s rest, JaeBum lowered the volume almost to none. He stayed like that for some minutes, and he was almost sleeping himself when he felt YoungJae’s hand on his.

JaeBum observed their hands as YoungJae lazily slid his hand on his and slipped their fingers together. His touch was soft and delicate. JaeBum looked up as he squeezed YoungJae’s fingers back, enjoying the heat on his skin.

Then YoungJae rubbed his thumb over JaeBum's pinky finger, slowly opening his eyes and looking down at JaeBum.

Without breaking the contact and without thinking too much, JaeBum slowly sat up and shifted on the bed, so he could press his lips on YoungJae’s neck, right on the spot where his mole was, in a simple kiss.

“You left me with a hickey last time.” YoungJae whispered, and JaeBum could listen to the smile in his voice.

Then, it clicked on his mind. He backed away a bit so he could see YoungJae’s face in whole. The boy was smiling at him, his eyes shining as if he wasn’t almost sleeping a moment ago. They were like that for what felt like ages to JaeBum, with him speechless, and YoungJae _soothing_ him, as JaeBum thought, because he couldn’t describe the way YoungJae was looking at him in any other way.

YoungJae was still rubbing his hand when JaeBum asked.

“Why did you leave?”

He hated how pained his voice sounded.

“I was afraid.”

Even without telling anything more, YoungJae understood his question.

They were whispering as if the room was full of people who shouldn’t hear their conversation, the faint sound of the TV forgotten in the middle of their breathing.

“Did I do something bad?”

“Shit, no.” YoungJae answered right away, squeezing his fingers a bit tighter. He breathed deeply and continued, looking down at their hands. “I had never seen you with a boy before. Of course I wouldn’t expect you to do something bad, you saved me before. But we were drunk. I was scared. You were too much. Too good.”

YoungJae held himself from continuing. He pondered if he should tell more to JaeBum. Somehow, by the way JaeBum was acting, he knew he could say everything he wanted to, but YoungJae was still afraid it had been a lie. Afraid of it being just a one-night stand and that something could stain his memories.

He looked up at JaeBum when the boy took his other hand on his. Seeing he was waiting for an answer, YoungJae finished.

“I didn’t want you to regret.”

“Regret what?” JaeBum smiled for him.

“I don’t know.” Because truly, he didn’t. “You were really good to me. You told me things…”

“I don’t remember…”

“I do.” YoungJae smiled too.

Without realizing, they got closer to each other until the distance between them didn’t exist anymore. Their lips touched briefly, in a calm and short kiss. Before JaeBum could pull away, YoungJae reached for his neck, soon cupping his face in his hands. JaeBum held YoungJae’s waist while they kissed longer and deeper.

As JaeBum licked his lower lip and pulled at it lightly, just to kiss him in full lips again and start massaging his tongue with his own, YoungJae reminded himself of everything JaeBum told him that night: how sweet YoungJae was, how good it was to be there with him, how hot YoungJae was making him feel, how lovely were the moles scattered around his body, how soft was his skin under his fingertips, how pleasant were all the sounds YoungJae was making. YoungJae remembered every sentence, even the apologies JaeBum said already falling asleep as he brought YoungJae closer when they were too tired to get out of the dirty locker.

Honestly, YoungJae had never heard things like that before. No one had ever told that to him before. So when he woke up next morning, everything he could do was try to put JaeBum into a more comfortable position, kiss his lips lightly and wish he could never meet the boy again, because even though he wanted to believe he had reasons to stay, he was afraid JaeBum could regret it.

They ended the kiss and JaeBum groaned, taking YoungJae out of his thoughts and making him open his eyes. JaeBum’s face was scrunched in concentration, his eyes looking around as if the answers lied on the wall around them. YoungJae pulled his hand lightly.

“Hey, stop that.” YoungJae laughed softly.

“Sorry, I can’t remember. I’m trying to, but I can’t.”

“You told me everything I wanted to hear. That’s what you need to know.”

Deciding it was enough for him now, JaeBum brought YoungJae closer and laid down on the bed again, not really caring they'd have to be up some hours later. The TV was still talking to no one as they faced each other, their fingers linked as their hands rested together in the space between them. “You realized I was freaking out yesterday, didn’t you?”

“It became hard not to notice when you avoided me as if I had the plague.”

“Yah!” JaeBum poked YoungJae in the ribs, to what the boy winced and laughed, as if they had known each other for years.

After some minutes of looking at the ceiling as he heard YoungJae’s peaceful breathing beside him, JaeBum called him.

“Hey.” He waited until YoungJae opened his eyes and hummed back, certifying he was awake this time.

“I think I missed you a lot.”


End file.
